One conflict I've had-- am still having, really-- is with a person who I once considered a friend, but no longer. It was one of those mysterious fireworks of chemistry, I guess, that Jenny and I got very close, very fast, in a platonic way soon after we first met. Jenny and I laughed a lot, confided in each other, and we liked the person we were around each other. We were part of a larger group of friends. I was in school to become a teacher at the time and they were all teachers so there was great camaraderie among us. We were tight, referring to our group as "family". Eventually, I started dating a mutual friend in our group. As couples tend to do, we slowly broke off from the group on our own. That's when things got awkward and then nasty pretty fast. My girlfriend and Jenny worked at the same school; she would come home, distraught, telling me how Jenny's behavior changed towards her. Even though they had been close friends themselves, Jenny was alienating her in various mean-spirited ways. I didn't believe it at first, for I only knew Jenny to be an uplifting, affirming personality. But I would eventually get the same treatment from Jenny. The relationship with my girlfriend took its course, and she eventually moved away to be closer to family. Jenny and I are in the same circle of friends still, but it's obviously very different between us now. She acts normal much of the time, as if nothing ever happened. But I haven't forgotten. It was a source of tension for me when all of us gathered. I'm not a person who can put on a face very well; I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
From my perspective, the source of the conflict was Jenny's behavior. She didn't treat me or my girlfriend at the time (who had been her friend as well) with very well. In the past, when I thought about our conflict, bitterness would swell up in me. I would get white-knuckled angry. How could she act this way? How could she be so mean-spirited? How could she throw both friendships away like that? She didn't react well to losing two friends at the same time in her mind, I guess. I can understand that, even sympathize with her. So for a long time, I tried being friendly with her-- not going out of my way, but being civil and warm towards her. But never has she admitted her actions, much less apologize for them, or for that matter, treat me much better.
In the end, I've stopped trying. I've since let go of my anger (or trying to) and avoid her in our group of friends. I'm not shy about it. The time for confrontation and intervention has long past in my eyes. That probably sounds horrible, but when someone treats you like shit and never even acknowledges it, or does nothing to rectify it, their actions ring loudly to me. In the end, it just doesn't make sense to weigh myself down with bitterness or someone else's negativity. Life is too short and the world is too big, too full of amazing people to discover.